Little Red Riding 'In Da Hood'

*this is just a piss takke so don't take offence. It's just a bit of fun!*

Once upon a time, there was a litter girl whose street name is Little Red. She was sent to prison when she was three years old for drug trafficking. Now that she is out of the joint, she continues on her selling of drugs, but this time she was careful. She baked some brownies with pot as an extra ingredient, cookies with heroine, cupcakes with joints that look like candles, and sundaes full of amphetamines. She was on her way to her grandmother's house because if she doesn't supply ol' Granny with the "sweets", Granny will call social services and tell them that her parents are abusive, her dad is drunk like a fish, and rapes her. Although that is not true, she must please ol' Granny. She picks up the "snacks," sticks them into the picnic basket, and goes out the door.
On the way to Granny's house, she encounters The Big Bad Druggie. The Big Bad Druggie comes up to her and says,
"Why Lil' Red, those 'treats' smell mighty good!"
"For the last time, they are not for you, they are my old granny," Little Red said.
"What does that old hag want to do with drug contaminated baked goods anyway?" The Big Bad Druggie snarled. That was when Little Red got mad. She got out her pepper spray and sprayed him straight in the face.
"You can't hurt my eyes, they're glass eyes!" The Big Bad Druggie said, and cornered Little Red up in the alley, and up to a brick wall. Then Little Red remembered about how to defend herself in prison that one time and kicked The Big Bad Druggie square in the balls and then in the stomach. The Big Bad Druggie fell to the ground coughing up blood from the blow to the balls and Little Red ran out of the alley and onto Granny's house.
"This is not the last of me!" The Big Bad Druggie yelled out at Little Red. Although it was still a long walk to Granny's house, Little Red would make it by sundown.

The Big Bad Druggie had another idea. He got into his beat up, rust-bucket, junkyard car and backfired himself out into Granny's house. He had a plan to get those "treats." He will tie up Granny down in the cellar, and get to those treats. He finally got to Granny's house and when he got out, he slammed his door shut and the car fell apart into pieces.
"I don't care," the Druggie thought, "I'll steal some stupid kid's bike instead." He barged into Granny's house, took her down into the cellar and tied her up. He dressed up in Granny's clothes that are in the closet, got into her favorite chair and started to watch TV.

When Little Red finally arrived at Granny's house, she saw that pile of junk sitting on the curb and thought to herself,
"I got to remind Granny to throw away all that junk."

When she opened the door she saw "Granny" sitting in the chair, watching TV. She sat down and took her "goodies" out of her basket. Granny started to grab the treats and gobbled them up. After a little, "Granny" stopped for a second, belched, and quoted Dave Chappel,
"Mmm, mmm, bitch!"
And continued on eating the "treats." Little Red was surprised with "Granny's" foul language and said, "My Granny, what a dirty mouth you have!" "It was never cleaned since I was born, I mean {clearing throat} I think it's because of my dentures, dear," Granny said. Then something else rose Little Red's curiosity.

"My Granny what big, hairy, ugly face you have!" Again "Granny" quoted Dave Chappel, "I'm rich, bitch! Can't you see I can afford plastic surgery, shit! I mean, {clearing throat} I think it's old age sweet heart. I'm sorry, I think I have turret's syndrome."
"It's okay, Granny," Little Red replied " I know that's a sickness." All of the sudden, Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, busts through the door and says,
"Crikey, there's the Great American Druggie right in that chair. Now, be careful, he looks dangerous."
Then Little Red jumps up and screams, "Oh my god, you're not Granny, you're the Big Bad Druggie!"
"That's right, bitch," The Big Bad Druggie bellowed, "and now you must give give me the rest of 'dem "treats" of yours!" Steve Irwin took out a blowgun and shot the Big Bad Druggie with a dart.
"Oww, what the hell did you do, {groaning} I feel woozy." and falls to the floor tranquilized.
"Don't worry mate, we'll take great care of this man," Steve said as he brought in the Police to drag the Big Bad Druggie out to Rehab, where he won't escape until he is cured of his sickness of being a druggie. Then Little Red found Granny and she had the last of Little Red's "treats" until Granny died of OD.

THE END