Before we start I want you to know that before you, I was not living a good life. I partied. I drank. I slept around. I tried every kind of drug you could imagine. I needed that rush. That escape from reality.
But for you, I gave all of that up. I mended relationships with my parents. I'd gotten into a stable relationship with the man of my dreams. He would've been a good daddy, if he'd only had the chance to meet you. Eight months I was faithful. Eight whole months. That was quite an accomplishment for me, but I had done it. I had done it for you. I started eating healthy for you. Just next week I was going to see if you were a boy or a girl, little one. I already loved you so much.
I was going to protect you from this big bad world. I was never going to let anything hurt you. How could I have seen what fate awaited us? All because of a single car ride and a forgotten seat belt.
Looking back now, I wish I'd taken ten seconds to click that seat belt into place. You didn't deserve this fate. Too young to experience the world yet, and you were taken from it.
I was young too. Barely seventeen. But I would've given anything for a chance to bring you home to my mother. I would've given anything for a chance to teach you the alphabet and multiplication tables. I would've given anything to hear you cry and experience those first couple years of sleepless nights. I would've been a good mom. If I'd had the chance.
Now, I don't remember much about that night. I remember screaming. I was so worried about you, my dear. You were safely stowed away in my stomach, but I was so afraid.
The car rolled and I lost all consciousness as I flew out the windshield. That's how we died. You and I.
My eyes opened to place of complete happiness. I couldn't believe it. My eyes were opening. Yet I knew we had not made it through the crash.
I looked to my right to see you sleeping beside me. I picked you up into my arms. Your gorgeous brown eyes opened, and you let a joyous little giggle. You were a boy! A boy, just like I had wanted. A beautiful healthy little baby. You were glowing, and somehow, I knew I was too. But nothing mattered, because you were with me, my strong little man.
You let out another laugh, and it was like a choir of angels had been cued from above. I realized that's exactly where we were. We had died that night. But I didn't care. I was with you, and you were with me. We were together.
I do wish you'd had a chance to experience the world. As I wish I had a chance to show it to you. But from up here in heaven, we would watch down on Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle John. We'd keep an eye on daddy, and all our friends. We'd watch over them as they lived and grew because that's all we could do now.
I love you endlessly. I will hold you in my arms for now and forever more. My baby you'll always be. Together in heaven. You and me.
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